Oh shit Alternativ

[Fenja]

Taoism: Shit happens

Confucionism: Confucius says: "Shit happens"

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit

Zen: Whai is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism: This shit has happened before

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Protestantism: Let the shit happen to someone else

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?

Sufism: The wise man never notices shit happening

Christian Science: If shit happens, pretend it doesn't really
exist

Solipsism: Shit happens because I wish it

Mysticism: Just experience shit happening

Asceticism: If shit happens, renounce it

Agnosticism: Nobody knows why shit happens

Gnosticism: I know why shit happens but won't tell you

Atheism: Shit just happens and that's all there is to it

Cartesianism: Shit happens to me, therefore I exist

Platonism: There is ideal shit happening somewhere

Stoicism: I don't care if shit happens

Epicureanism: Let's party while shit doesn't happen

Cynicism: Of course shit happens

Occultism: Shit materializes from other planes of existence

Terrorism: Shit will happen unless you do as I say

Pollyanism: It's so nice that shit happens!

Puritanism: S** can happen all day as long as you don't call
it that

Behaviorism: You are conditioned to having shit happen

Freudianism: If shit happens, it's your mother's fault

Parapsychology: Shit happens without material causes

Surrealism: Purple shit happens near melting clocks

Cubism: If shit happens, you won't recognize it

Cultural relativism: Shit happens everywhere differently

Optimism: If shit happens, we'll find a way to use it

Pessimism: If shit happens, there won't be enough for
everybody

Tabloid Sensationalism: Green shit from Mars happens to Elvis
clone

Biblical Creationism: Shit happens because God created it

Secular Humanism: Shit happens because it evolved from
primitive shit

Scientific Reductionism: If shit happens, find out what kind
exactly

Scientific Obscurantism: Amorphous excrement does occur in
given cases

Bureaucracy: I don't care if shit happens as long as you fill
out the forms

Feminism: Women demand to have shit happen

Ecology: If organic shit happens, it's OK

Capitalism: Let's profit from shit happening

Socialism: If shit happens, let's distribute it equally

Patriotism: Our shit is better than your shit

Conservatism: They don't make even shit happen like they used
to

Liberalism: Shit shouldn't happen tomorrow

Classical Physics: Shit does not 'happen', it just moves
around

Quantum Physics #1: Shit happens but you can't say both where
and when

Quantum Physics #2: Shit happens in discrete quanta called
shitons

Holistic Physics: If shit happens, it happens everywhere at
once

Microcomputing: If shit happens, we'll fix it in the next
version

Computer Science: All shit can in principle happen on a
Turing Machine

Applied Mathematics: The probabity of shit happening
approaches unity

Engineering: When shit happens, paint over

Medicine: If shit happens, take two Aspirins and call me in
the morning

Economics: Shit happens because there's a geat demand for it

Politics: If shit happens, make a deal with it

Diplomacy: Let's pretend shit doesn't happen

Mvh
Fenja